Honesty...warning: not sugar coated or rose tinted...

It's not a bad time, by any means, things are tickety boo. But my goodness, the requirement for positive thinking has worn me down. I have realised that thinking positively has become part of the fabric of me - despite being a born and bred pessimist, glass-is-half-empty person. I have made my glass three quarters full. Pat on the back for me :-)

via from new york city with love

Round here, things roll on in an autumnal fashion, apples ripening, leaves falling, rain rain and more rain. The extent of the British winter feels like it's looming this year; I have become acutely aware of seasonal transitions and this will be the most significant. The prospect of months of overcast weather makes it hard for me to stay positive! So limited are the wonderful crisp sunny days, so plentiful are the low-cloud, dank days that seem to characterise our British climate.

My heart is aching today for my boy, whose flying start to his new school has in some ways, been short-lived. His new school is bigger and more challenging; surely good things in the long run, but in the short term I am literally watching him bend his personality to suit it. He is a simple soul and takes life very literally and I wonder how he copes in those school hours, trying to fit in. I find myself wondering whether this 'fitting in' in life is what we all do to some degree? I tell him to be strong and if the popular boys won't play with him, go and make a new friend. But that's easier said than done. At the same time, I empathise; I find myself longing for my old established friends. Being the new school Mum that I should be, is exhausting.

from anthropologie...via crush cul de sac

Long term readers of this blog will know that I have this pain thing; I have for a few years had pain in my teeth and my jaw; largely unexplained and largely untreatable from a medical perspective. It has been wildly frustrating getting a diagnosis, treatments have failed and what I was left with was the mandate to try to live with chronic pain. Or to ignore it. Or to build my life in a way that enabled me to manage it. I got so weary of thinking about it all and just being in pain that I stopped talking about it to anyone and stopped writing about it here. Now, even those close to me have thought it was all gone, as I had ceased to refer to it. But in all honesty - it's not gone. It's very much there and it very much occupies my thoughts throughout each and every day.

I cling to theories which might fix my problem, which ironically all stem from the idea that my muscles have contracted and become weak, that they need to unclench and to relearn to be normal. Meditation and yoga are considered worthwhile treatment pursuits. I feel like it is a test of my whole temperament; I am so not the type to sit still and meditate. Yet the irony is that it is my very temperament (highly strung, wound up like a coiled spring) that got me into this painful mess in the first place! Life is a journey and this part of the trip is bittersweet. Things have never been so good - opportunities and thoughts abound. I feel like there is so much I could be doing and tackling. Honestly, I am proud of myself for taking the new business plunge, for taking the new school decision for my son, for being active and not passive in our lives.

But the activity causes stress and stress worsens the pain and so on and so on...

The truth is: it's hard. I'm finding it really hard.

via crush cul de sac

Share on :

Tweet

Honesty...warning: not sugar coated or rose tinted...

Reviewed by axiata
Published : 2012-10-04T02:27:00-07:00
Rating : 4.5