The unwanted visitor...

I have been absent I know; a horrid recurrence of my jaw pain symptoms have floored me. I have lived with this chronic pain for so long, on and off and I genuinely thought I had made peace with it; it affected my life, yes, but I managed it and most importantly (for me) I could control the way I felt about it. It's such a psychological trigger in my little world. It causes a downward spiral that I really struggle to stem, despite the regularity with which it comes back. It started in April, got worse and worse, I went to see another specialist whose diagnosis initially pleased me, (no bone damage), but meanwhile the symptoms became more and more entrenched. Now I am just in it.

painting via here by martin wehmer

I know deep down it will pass, I know life has a way of offering up phases, I know it's meant to make me stronger, I know that there will be a Pinterest quote to get me through the dark moments. But I just wish I didn't have it. I have read extensively about living with pain and one method is to embrace it; to welcome it in and study it, rather than try to run away. I am trying. But in amongst the rest of my daily existence, spending time with such an unwanted visitor is beyond trying. I don't want to be that mother/wife/friend - the one who is always quiet because I am breathing through the pain.

Funnily enough, the specialist I saw described the profile of those who suffer with this particular condition (he called me an 'Olympic' teeth-clencher! My facial muscles are shot). Nine out of ten times women, deep-thinking, they (we) install 'coping strategies' to deal with life's stresses which mean complete and utter internalisation of feelings. Achiever. Fine bone structure. Intelligent. Takes life waaay too seriously.

Hmmmm.

I think I'd rather be stoopid and carefree! ;-)

Otherwise, life is about summer holidays and clearing the house ready for the build which WILL start next week! Hurrah. Well - kinda hurrah. We will live out of a suitcase for most of the summer, an eventuality which we have convinced ourselves will be character-building and exciting. We have rented a cottage by the sea near here for a week or so to have a 'stay-cation' and will be returning to Portugal later in the summer. I am looking forward to it, and hope in our absence the worst of the work will get done. Clearly, I get the parallel of this life challenge and my pain. I guess that upheaval and I don't sit well together. Delicate flower that I am!

Both children have broken up from school so we are already into lazy mornings and a million haphazard arrangements to occupy them. We have yet to fall into a rhythm. There's not a lot of writing going on - a fact which bothers me more and more as I consider September looming. I thought I would have written the bare bones of something by now in readiness for my Masters Degree. But no. Life got in the way. I conclude that this is normal; this is why not everyone who can write is a writer. It takes such discipline; daily toil. I am sure a change of scene will help.

Take care and above all else, see the funny side! xxx

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The unwanted visitor...

Reviewed by axiata
Published : 2015-07-07T00:49:00-07:00
Rating : 4.5