I have had one of those days I relish...I spent hours and hours alone! I love days like this...where I mooch and potter and do very little indeed. When they are rare, I long for days like this; on a go-slow all day long. I do wonder why this lack of activity has become so appealing to me as I never used to be this way. Now I break down each event into a time-span so I know just how long it will be until I get back into go-slow mode. Even better today; I spent the whole day in yoga pants (and I did not do any yoga). I did both drop off and pick up dressed down (thanks to this genius pair) and I DIDN'T CARE. This is momentous. I feel like I am growing. I tidied up, walked the pup round the fields, did my Alexander Technique semi-supine thing, internet-shopped and cooked dinner. That was it and I loved every minute.
I check myself, in the knowledge that at some point in the future I will rue the day I enjoyed doing so little. I get the impression that this is very much a product of having too much to do and that when that tails off - empty nest time, for example - that I will miss the busy-ness. I wonder if I will no longer be able to fill my days in the way I do now, when they are always punctuated by the school run. But then I figure - there will be time to do all of those other things - like going to London to frequent galleries and see a matinee of the ballet. Or having leisurely lunches with old friends. Or planting a flower bed. Something that is open-ended and has no time constraint.
I still spend an utterly disproportionate amount of time thinking about clothes and outfits and I do wonder about my own shallowness in this regard. Why does it matter so? But then I figure - it's a hobby for me - nothing more, nothing less.
I idly consider what I would say if my little business grew and grew and I became the next Josie Maran (but without the supermodel credentials). I ponder how I would do it all and whether that sort of work wouldn't feel quite like work as it would be beautifully self-serving?
I decide 'for' and 'against' arguments for repainting the picket fence round our house; my thinking is that I quite like it weathered and tarnished. But then maybe not...
I consider if it will ever properly be summer in this country again.
I spend a lot of time checking my posture.
I get excited about future plans, about visiting family in Dubai in a few weeks and having old Uni friends to stay in June.
And some evenings, I watch an episode of 'Gossip Girl' and think about what it would be like to be fabulously wealthy and not yet 18. Pure escapism.
I try and stay really positive that one day I will be pain-free.
I feel lucky countless times in the day; for the good life I have.
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