To say that I am not inclined to write here is a falsehood; I am inclined, I just can't seem to find the moment. People, friends often ask me if I toil over this blog or if the words I write flow out. I can say with certainty they do flow, I don't think I have ever taken more than twenty minutes writing here, what takes the time is the pictures! It's a curious thing that I come to spill out my thoughts a couple of times a week. There is this rather strange sense of duty to do so, as if someone will notice if I don't. But most often it is because I need it; I need to share something or get something out of my head. I have thought a lot about writing lately as realise how much harder it is to write a book than it is to jot some pithy life observations in a blog. I had the idea for a book, I just didn't have a beginning, a middle or an end, hence why it's so hard to write!
At the weekend I met up with my University friends (bar one who couldn't make the journey). It is the year of our 40th birthdays and so we met in Soho in London and drank wine and talked like there was no end to that particular day. I could barely sleep that night - ensconced again in my old, falling down farmhouse, feeling as far from Soho as possible. There were so many updates and thoughts to ponder. Of the group of us, I had children first, so to some degree have pioneered ahead of them as they have younger ones. I felt that my words of observation and wisdom on the teenage years - which haven't even landed yet but which have settled like some sort of hormonal cloud over our said farmhouse - were well and truly heard. But even though they are my dearest, oldest friends I came away wondering how I came across to them? A sprinkle of self-doubt mixed up with a lot of love. Seeing them was like a tonic and I concluded: they KNOW me, so whatever I said, it's probably OK.
And so what else? I ordered a tuxedo jacket as I felt that by my age I should own a proper, serious, grown-up, smart jacket. I explained the situation in Kiev to my children in the car to school. We discussed the differences between a King, a President and a Prime Minister; Democracy before 7.30am. Get me. I did yoga and went for a run. I ordered this book - everyone likes a list of things to do. I fretted about a gazilion things that are beyond my control.
I talked to my Mum, as I do most days. I love my Mum. I wrote more letters to my nieces; these about the merits of studying abroad. I didn't study abroad but always thought it sounded nice and what better thing than living vicariously through one's nieces? Less complicated than one's children.
I marvelled at the design of my favourite jewellery designer Georg Jensen as I was able to choose what I might like for my birthday. I took a new dress to be altered; there's something rather special about a proper dress-maker who bites pins in her mouth as she made it fit me like a glove. I did this and that...I felt grateful that I have time to do this and that. I did not miss corporate life. I smelled a mown lawn and it almost...almost...smelled like summer :-)
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