Without meaning to be, there are still testing times. I have a life that on paper looks perfect - and it is - but the fact is, trials still present themselves; they are just dressed differently than before. As I have given up the defined area of stress in my life (my job) I feel like I should therefore no longer have stress. I am finding though that stress lurks in expected places.
Having a twelve year old daughter can be tricky; you have to be resilient. If you read any article on the perils of social media you'll want to lock your child away and never let them see an iPhone again. But this is the world we live in and we have to embrace it. As she grows up, boundaries are being pushed every day. Things she should try and challenges she should face. I try to bring up my kids to be sensible and independent, but when they are out of their comfort zone, you wonder whether as a parent, you've gone too far in pushing them out of the nest. They are so young. There is so much time, isn't there? But what I would say about these modern times is that it's actually hard to know if you're making the right decision. When they are babies or toddlers you eventually decide to ditch the baby manual once and for all and trust your instincts. Well - when they grow older, there are no manuals and your instinct feels out of date. I mean let's be honest; I was 12 years old nearly twenty years ago. Times have changed and I start to feel like an episode of the 'The Wonder Years' if I am not careful! Is there a different playing field now?
I keep telling myself: I do my best. Things aren't bad. There are always those who are worse off. These are first world problems. So in this spiral of parental self doubt I snap out of it and start a new day.
Did you know that Christmas Eve is only six weeks away? Whaaaa?! This seems like an unfeasibly short amount of time for me to get my s**t together. Mental note: time runs away from you.
I enter now the final months of my 39th year. This feels significant; 40 is looming and I so want to feel full of positivity about it. All is I know I spent three hours in a hairdresser's chair yesterday getting my grey covered in what seemed like a ridiculously elaborate process! Hmmm. Then I went to Jack Wills to buy a shirt and felt, as a paid for it, that I ought to explain (apologise for?) the fact that it was for me rather than my daughter! I accept these are my own neuroses; I have developed them over time and I am sure they will pass. But in the spirit of honesty to you this is what goes through the mind of me.
It's Wednesday and that means circuit training so I am off for the endorphin fix and the hope that calm will descend on my house and quiet the parental worry/noise that seems to drown all else out right now. The sun is shining, it's a crisp day.
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